You’re listening to the STOPMAGA Podcast
Today - Trump’s Truth Social Performance Review
[Corporate HR voice]
“Good morning, Mr. Donnie Please have a seat. This is your annual performance review for your term as Truth Social CEO.
Let’s start with your posting metrics. You’ve maintained an impressive average of 47 posts per day, most occurring between 3 and 5 AM. While we appreciate your dedication to insomnia, perhaps we could channel that energy into, I don’t know, learning how businesses work or reading the US Constitution?
Your content engagement shows interesting patterns. Posts about crowd sizes receive 12% more likes than posts about policy, while posts in ALL CAPS receive 67% more concern from mental health professionals.
Now, about your recent merger with a company that sells shell necklaces and essential oils... can you walk me through that business strategy?
‘IT’S GOING TO BE HUGE! THE BEST DEAL! NOBODY MAKES DEALS LIKE ME!’
I see. And the $58 million loss last quarter?
‘FAKE NUMBERS! WITCH HUNT! FAKE NEWS! IT WAS JOE BIDEN’
Right. Well, your board has some concerns. Mainly that you’re using a social media platform to plan what appears to be revenge fantasies against half of America.
‘THAT’S CALLED CONTENT STRATEGY!’
Donnie, perhaps it’s time to consider a new career path. Have you thought about becoming a prison checkers champion?”
